The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
