Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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