we made out on top of his cat.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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