genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
