My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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