I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
