i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
