I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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