then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
