all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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