I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
