my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
pray to the hookup gods
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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