so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
