so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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