just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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