Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
