so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
