Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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