the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
