and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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