So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
