genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
