remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
