dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
