You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize