He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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