my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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