mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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