best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
