This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
