We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
