It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
