Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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