My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
