At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize