If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
