mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
