It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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