Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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