remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
