This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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