last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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