i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I want her autograph on my taint
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
