Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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