When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
