He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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