Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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