Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
