oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize