I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
