He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
