Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Too much gin, very little bucket
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
