Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
