ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
