He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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