Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
