I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
