Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
