We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
