Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We had sex on a dog bed..
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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