I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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