people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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