i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
