I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
