too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
