That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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