The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
