Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
