Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The uberlube is also flammable
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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