Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
