but the lizard people decide everything anyway
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
