She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
