If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
