your room smells of hookers.
And success
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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