dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I hope mine doesn't look like that
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
