Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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