It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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