I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
