Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
