she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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